Not coming to this realization, however, leaves the partner living in an incomprehensible reality where she is blamed for the battering of her own spirit.”īeing blamed for the battering of her own spirit is the line that resonated with me. “The fact that she can’t come to an understanding with her mate simply because he is abusive and will defeat her through abusive power plays is almost incomprehensible to the partner. In truth, a verbally abusive relationship is a more or less constant invalidation of the partner’s reality.” She may take his negation as a lack of common interest or as a misunderstanding. Consequently, the partner may not even know what it is like to feel supported and validated in her relationship. “Because of his need for dominance and his unwillingness to accept his partner as an equal, the verbal abuser is compelled to negate the perceptions, experiences, values, accomplishments and plans of his partner. The author explains how the verbally abusive person and his partner are coming from two completely different realities. Verbal abuse is a crazy-making situation. The other books expand on the ideas presented here. This was the first one she wrote, shedding light on the problem of verbal abuse. This book is the Patricia Evans book originally recommended to me by a friend. Adams Media Corporation, Second Edition, 1996.
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